It starts with a sound. The soft piano tiptoes inoffensively up to you and instantly you’re lulled. You don’t care what comes next. Nothing comes next, usually. This is a commercial, and that sound is just the first cue of several that unfailingly elicit the desired response: indifference. The thing is, it’s not a commercial. It’s a viral video. And it’s a compilation of at least 65 new commercials currently running on TV during this pandemic, strung one after the other. What comes next is not nothing but the same thing over and over. It becomes horrifying. The harmless piano morphs into something possibly not played by human hand. The b-roll footage of early mornings and happy employees becomes bloodless. The voiced-over declarations become uncanny (“We’re people,” promises at least six ads from Southwest Airlines, FedEx, AT&T and more). The clichés become cartoonish (just ask the voice actor who recorded the trailer for "Batman Forever" how long we've been "in uncertain times.")
But as the video, uploaded to YouTube last week by TV commercial archivist Microsoft Sam and titled “Every COVID-19 Video Is Exactly The Same,” uncomfortably lurches forward with its proof of the eerie similarity of coronavirus commercials, the most off-putting moment comes at the end: the word “together,” used repeatedly. This video shows us who is actually together. At a moment of acute risk, all the companies came together under an unspoken agreement. It’s safest to all say the same exact thing, they might have calculated, in order to produce a feeling of indifference in consumers toward as many brands as possible until we can go back to competing. “We’re in this together,” as suggested by the viral video, seems to be a bond among the companies themselves, a pact. At the same time these companies are on the air together professing their togetherness with people, they are in reality taking the loans that were intended to keep people afloat. The disconnect between message and action was obvious last week when news broke that loans from the Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) ran out because too many household name brands slurped them up before small businesses could.
Taco Cabana, one of the companies whose commercial is included in the viral COVID-19 commercials video, actually received a $10 million PPP loan. In the commercial, Taco Cabana says "they're part of your community." Just yesterday Shake Shack, a publicly traded company, was forced to return $10 million whose allocation was supposed to be overseen by a government agency called the Small Business Administration. Shake Shack used language ripped straight from the coronavirus commercial template five weeks ago: "Hospitality is about being on your side." Potbelly, another recipient of a $10 million PPP loan, currently has a pinned tweet that includes the following copy: "we all need to be in a good mental place to make the world better on the other side of this" (cutesy lack of capitalization and punctuation theirs, good luck becoming the next @steak_umm, folks). "Together” is like a period at the end of many of the individual commercials collected in the video. In that context, it’s meant to be a hopeful kicker, just vague enough to leave the viewer feeling nothing too extreme about the brand one way or the other.
“We’re in this together,” the voice says to us, the audience, ostensibly meaning that everyone watching plus the people in charge of the companies are part of some shared mission. Combined with cues like piano and sunsets, the experience will barely stick anyway, as intended. But in the context of the viral video, repeated by one company after another in identical commercials, “together” has a very different meaning. Feel neutral about our company all you want, might be the logic, as long as you feel slightly warmer than neutral about all companies in general. While the commercials are intended to elicit a collective indifference toward individual companies, instead they elicit division between people and companies as a unit. The viral video shows the real meaning of the coronavirus commercial as a genre: There’s a clear difference between us, the companies, and you, the people. We are in this together. "It's like safety in numbers," my business partner Jared Spiegel says about the togetherness of the brands. "Because no one knows what to say now, they have basically all hedged their risk by agreeing to only say the same thing."The result?
"The consumer just gets one vague message that freezes in time their opinion of each individual brand until things become more clear," he continued. Only the brands are together, aligned on one message, while we're apart. But, hey! At least, if someone is going to be hanging out without you, it's better that they're such boring company, right?
The shorter stuff
You think the finance guys listen to secret podcasts for geniuses. Nope. It’s just Hardcore History like everyone else. (TNYer)
Is our thirst for authority so strong right now that we’re celebrating Andrew Cuomo’s Powerpoint presentations as art? (Art In America)
This Adam McKay/John C. Reilly series about the 1980s Lakers sounds pretty sick. (THR)
David Roth: “American national life first spiderwebbed and then exploded into little episodic shards. The pebbled remains of it cannot be readily pieced back together; no edge really seems to fit with any other, or is even identifiable as having once comprised any particular part of the now completely broken whole.” (TNR)
There’s not much untouched IP left after this TV show based on the 90s computer game Myst. But, of course there is. (AV Club)
The “Snowpiercer” TV adaptation already switched networks twice (“from TNT to TBS and back again”) and changed showrunners once before having to debut during this pandemic. (Variety)
Judging by these trailers, I think Peacock will be popular. (Deadline)
“Family Guy” is to “American Dad” what “Rick and Morty” is to this upcoming Hulu show. (Twitter)
The logline for the J.J. Abrams original series “Duster” at HBO Max sounds a lot like a 1970s “Breaking Bad.” (THR)
The Michael Jordan doc provided publishers with the cocaine headline they needed. (Daily Mail)
I keep getting served ads for this shirt and it’s hilariously not right for me. Apparently it’s a reference to the show “Schitt’s Creek.” (Image)
Whoever edited this trailer understands that Tom Hardy’s unbroken funny voice streak is the draw. Please watch until the payoff at 1:09. (Twitter)
I have seen this whole movie from just looking at the poster. (Image)
Reanimating Deadspin for one ad sponsor at a time is a genius idea. (Daily Beast)
I feel like if you’re going to criticize someone’s pandemic etiquette right now, don’t do it on the record from East Hampton. (NYT)
Of course the most incoherent show I’ve ever tried to watch, “Westworld,” has an episode called “Decoherence” but the word actually refers to quantum physics. (VF)
I regret my smug snickering at cosplayers now that they’re much more useful than I am. (TNYer)
I don’t imagine Dune looking this fascist. This set photo looks like “Starship Troopers.” (Image)
I’ve read a lot about Fiona Apple lately but the only relevant and inspiring thing I've taken away from it all for myself is Carrie Battan’s idea of patience. (TNYer)